Breathe Again: A Love Story Read online

  As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was already starting to fall asleep. But not before I felt his lips against my hair, and his whisper in my ear.

  “My Mellie Rose. What am I going to do with you?”

  Chapter 12

  Morning came far too quickly for me. I had literally passed out in his bed. It was actually kind of embarrassing. By the time I finally did wake up, Jackson was already out of bed. When I opened my eyes, I could see him brushing his teeth in the bathroom. Naked.

  Hell. Yes.

  He caught me looking at him, and I threw the blanket back over my head, blushing furiously. I was still naked too, which made me blush even more. I’d never slept naked. Not once, in my life.

  “Good morning,” he said, making his way back to the bed, and slipping back underneath the blankets.

  “Morning,” I said, my voice full of sleep. I laid my head on his shoulder, and sighed contently.

  “How’d you sleep?” I asked, running my fingers down his chest and letting them rest on his stomach. It was still kind of hard for me to believe that this was all real life; that I’d actually slept next to Jackson and that he wanted me.

  “Not well,” he said bluntly. Not what I expected.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, frowning. Jackson just laughed.

  I felt that blush creep its way back up to my cheeks, once again all too aware of my current state of undress. I began to scoot away from him on the bed, pulling the sheet with me, but Jackson refused to let me go.

  “Don’t be embarrassed,” he whispered into my hair. “You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. You really don’t know how sexy you are, or how happy I am to have you here right now, do you?”

  I frowned into his chest. When he realized that I wasn’t going to answer, he pulled me away so he could look me in the eye.

  “What is it?”

  “Nothing,” I said quickly, avoiding his faze. He took my chin gently in his hand, turning my face toward him and forcing me to look him in the eye.

  “That’s not true,” he said softly.

  I bit my lip, knowing that there was no real reason for me to feel so nervous. Jackson had made it very clear the night before how much he adored my body, and it had thrilled me then. I’d never felt so wanted before, but that was the problem.

  “Nobody’s ever told me I’m sexy before,” I whispered.

  Jackson’s loud snort interrupted our otherwise quiet morning.

  “What?” I asked a little too harshly, annoyed that he was laughing at me.

  “You can’t be serious,” he said, giving me a pointed look that traveled from my face to my covered chest and all the way down to my toes.

  I shook my head just a centimeter, once again embarrassed by the way he was looking at my body.

  “To say that you’re sexy would be the understatement of the century. You have no idea how many times I had to keep myself from waking you up in the middle of the night, just so that I could touch you again. Forget any lingerie model, you’re the definition of sexy.”

  I felt myself flush again, though I didn’t try to deny it. Secretly, I was flattered. Jackson had gone through a very public breakup with a well-known, and disturbingly beautiful, Victoria’s Secret model the year before. He most definitely knew, first hand, what sexy was.

  “Do I need to prove it to you, Ms. Devlin?” he whispered seductively into my ear, pulling me even closer.

  “What? No,” I began, but the words trailed off as he began moving his lips across my neck, and down underneath the sheet that covered my bare body. “Jackson, what are you doing?” I moaned as he kissed his way down my breasts and to my stomach. I tried futility, and really without much effort, to pull him back up to me, but he ignored my attempt by moving straight to where nobody had ever kissed me before.

  He chuckled softly into me, as he heard the soft cries coming from my throat. Finally, after realizing exactly what he was doing and exactly how good it felt, I let myself go and dug my fingers into his hair. He was far too talented at this, and he obviously knew exactly what he was doing, but it was too easy to forget all of that then.

  For the moment, I was perfectly willing to let him practice on me. For the second time in less than twelve hours, I felt an incredible wave of pleasure wash over me, something that hadn’t happened in far too long. And when Jackson brought his mouth up, moving on top of me to let me know exactly how much he wanted me, I was surprised when I had the energy, and stamina, to keep going.

  He moved lazily into me, rocking gently against me, but with conviction. It was different than the night before, and it was different than anything I’d felt with Daniel. It was almost more intimate, more comfortable and with less expectation. Jackson moved slowly, taking his time to fully enjoy the moment, and making sure that I did as well. I did, and I definitely didn’t hold back when he rocked into me one last time. I cried out, once again completely consumed by Jackson, who was obviously consumed by me as well, judging by his own groan at our climax together.

  Jackson collapsed on top of me, holding me close.

  “I could get used to starting my day like that,” he said, nuzzling my neck with his nose. “You taste so sweet Mellie, so amazing.”

  I shifted uncomfortably underneath him, unaccustomed to such overt talk about sex. It was a topic rarely discussed in Selden, even with the one you were having it with.

  As if he could sense my unease, Jackson pulled himself up sluggishly, and propped himself up on his elbow above me. I looked at him sheepishly.

  “Please,” he said, stroking my cheek with his free hand. “Promise me that you won’t be embarrassed in front of me. I want you to be free with me; to want to do this together.”

  “I do,” I said, leaning my cheek into his hand. “I do want to do this with you, so much. You just have to understand that this isn’t how it is where I come from. Old habits die hard, I guess.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked, frowning.

  I let out a small sigh. “Sex isn’t,” I started, struggling to find words. “Ask anyone in town, and they’ll tell you that you’re supposed to wait until you’re married. But if they’re really honest with you, they’ll tell you that it’s just to keep him happy; him being your husband or your boyfriend. It’s not for our pleasure,” I said, motioning to myself. “If I ever, you know…” I said, trailing off and embarrassed at the implication of my words.

  “Came?” Jackson said without shame.

  “Well, year. If I ever…came…it was a completely accident and not due to any effort on Daniel’s part.”

  Jackson gaped at me, obviously appalled at my statement. “You can’t be serious,” he said, looking down at me with a mixture of disgust and anger.

  I shrugged, knowing exactly how true it was. I could probably count on one hand the number of orgasms I’d had with Daniel, and they weren’t nearly as intense as they were with Jackson. He obviously cared about my pleasure just as much as his own, if not more. The thought was completely foreign to me, and a little unsettling.

  “Well,” he said, moving away from me and onto his side. “I guess I’ll just have to prove you wrong.”

  I laughed next to him, thoughts of completely sleepless nights entering my mind. Knowing exactly what I was thinking, Jackson smiled darkly, and moved to attack my neck with sweet, chaste kisses.

  “We have all the time in the world Mellie Rose,” he said softly.

  That simple statement terrified me, knowing that it wasn’t true. It was only a matter of time before time did give in, and was gone. I tried not to think about that then, remembering the ways he touched me that morning and the night before, how he kissed and worshipped me. It was enough to forgive him in advance for anything that might happen between us.

  Chapter 13

  We spent most of the morning in bed, cuddling and kissing, and he drove me home later in the afternoon. He was leaving the next day for a publicity tour in Europe, and it was surprisingly hard to say goodbye. But I
knew it was coming, and I threw myself into my work, trying not to let it get to me.

  It Wednesday morning, and I was in the kitchen working on some cupcakes for the afternoon, when I heard the door swing open.

  “Mel,” it was Darcy. “There’s someone here to see you.”

  I glanced over my shoulder, and could see the smile on her face. That couldn’t mean anything good.

  “Who is it?” I asked, not really wanting to take my concentration away from my cupcakes at the moment. I had just gotten into the flow of things, and thankfully they were complicated enough to keep my mind off Jackson.

  Darcy shrugged, but her smile stayed in place. “Just come out and see, those things can wait,” she said, motioning to the tray that I’d just pulled out of the oven.

  “Fine,” I said, sighing. I wiped my hands on a towel and threw it back onto the counter, before making my way out into the café.

  It was still bright inside, the sun still shining through the large windows at the front of the room. Josephine had really made the space beautiful, not in a pretentious way or anything, but in a way that made it so you wouldn’t mind if you had to work inside all day. White subway tiles lined the far back wall, and dark wood floors made the space feel cozy and comfortable. There was a long row of tables down the center of the café, forcing those who wanted to become friendly with their neighbors, though bistro style seating was available along the walls and out in front. Guests could order a latte or scone to go from the register, or sit down for something a little bit more slower paced for breakfast or lunch. It was this type of comforting atmosphere that brought people back day after day.

  I noticed him as soon as I made my way through the swinging door. It wasn’t Jackson, of course, but I didn’t doubt that this guy was somehow related to him. He had the same tall, muscular build, though he wasn’t nearly as defined or solid as Jackson was, and they shared the same dark, wavy hair. While Jackson was always clean shaven, however, this guy had a little scruff, in an intentional way, making it look like it was supposed to be there.

  “Are you Mellie,” he said once I got behind the register counter.

  “Yes,” I said, eyeing him suspiciously.

  His severe mouth, which looked like it was almost frowning, suddenly turned into a large, white smile. He even had the same dimple in his chin that Jackson did when he smiled.

  “This is for you then.” He brought his hand up from his side, and held out a medium sized box, wrapped in simple white paper.

  “Who are you?” I asked. I didn’t take the package, but stared at it like it might explode right then and there in the café.

  He just laughed. “I’m Seth, Jackson’s brother. He asked me to bring this by for you, since he’s gallivanting through London as we speak.”

  His laugh made me feel more at ease. It wasn’t as loud as Jackson’s guffaws, but it was smooth, silky, like he only saved it for people who he really wanted to hear it. I nodded, and reached out to take the package from his hand. He just continued to watch me, the smile never leaving his face.

  “Thank you,” I said primly, hoping he wouldn’t notice how uneasy it all made me.

  “Of course,” he said back, his eyes sparkling. I smiled at him, and turned to head back into the kitchen. I really wanted to get out of there, but his voice stopped me before I could take a step.

  “You’re just as pretty as he said you were, Mellie Rose.” I froze, but by the time I turned to look back at him, he was already out the door.

  I made my way quickly back into the kitchen, hoping that Darcy hadn’t noticed how shaken up I was about the whole situation. No such luck; she followed me back, and I knew that I was cornered.

  “What was THAT?” she exclaimed, fanning herself with her hand dramatically. “He has to be related to Jackson, somehow, amiright?”

  “Yeah,” I said quietly, putting the package down on the far counter before heading back to my cupcakes. I needed something to clear my head. “He was his brother.”

  “Well, are you going to open it?” She took it upon herself to grab the package off the counter, and bring it to where I stood. She plopped it down right in front of me, and pulled herself up on the counter to sit. Apparently I wasn’t getting out it that easy.

  I glared at her from the corner of my eye, but pulled the package in front of me and started ripping the paper carefully. I’d only gotten about a quarter of the way through it before I realized exactly what it was, and I groaned. Darcy just clapped her hands with glee.

  “He misses you!” she said, her legs swinging under the counter.

  I pulled the rest of the paper off of the phone box, and noticed a card taped to the top.

  “I can’t do this Darcy,” I said, pushing the box out of the way and leaning over the counter so I could put my head in my hands.

  “Well, I can,” Darcy said, bending over me to snatch the box and card off the counter. I stood up quickly, able to intercept the box before she could open it.

  “No,” I said. “I got it.” I looked at the box in my hands, and decided to go upstairs to open it in private. I really didn’t want her to see my face when I read his card. But of course, no such luck. She actually followed me up the stairs and into my loft. Darcy knew no boundaries, but at least I could open it in the comfort of my own home.

  I sat on the couch, and Darcy plopped herself into one of my chairs, watching me with eager eyes. I set the box down on the coffee table, and pulled the card from where it was taped on top. He’d written my name in his angular, neat handwriting on the envelope.

  Dear Mellie Rose,

  I know that you aren’t really the type to accept a gift like this, but know that I’m doing it for purely selfish reasons. I miss hearing your voice and I miss holding you in my arms. This will really only remedy the first, so I’ll just have to wait until I’m home again to see your face or feel your skin against mine. Know that you’re all that I think about, all that I dream about. I miss you.

  Yours,

  Jackson

  It was such a simple, short note, but it made my heart constrict. He missed me. He was thinking about me. I set the card on the table, and grabbed the box instead. I barely even noticed when Darcy grabbed the card to read, though I didn’t care much. It wasn’t too mushy or personal, but it still gave me goosebumps.

  I opened the box, and pulled out my new, white iPhone. I’d never actually had a cell phone before; it always seemed like an unnecessary expense to my parents, who made me just use the house phone if I ever wanted to talk to Daniel while he was at school, and I couldn’t afford one now. I couldn’t help but feel a little excited about the thought of having my very first phone.

  As soon as I turned it on (which took me a few minutes to figure out), I noticed that I already had a text message waiting for me. I pressed my finger to the green icon, and Jackson’s name popped up.

  I’m glad you agreed to open it. Call me when you have a chance. I’ll make sure I pick up.

  I felt almost giddy at the message. I immediately started searching the phone, trying to figure out how to actually call him. Darcy wasn’t really paying attention to me anymore; she was too busy wiping a tear from her eye after reading the note. I didn’t think it was that romantic, but then again I didn’t even cry at my own grandmother’s funeral.

  Jackson picked up after the second ring.

  “Hi Mellie,” he said, his throaty voice causing my heart to constrict.

  “Hi Jackson,” I said, holding the phone close. I noticed Darcy from the corner of my eye, her smile reaching all the way across her narrow face. She fanning herself again, and mouthing words to me that I couldn’t interpret. I just waved her off, and she harrumphed into my bedroom. I knew she was rummaging through my closet, but I barely noticed. I was too focused on the deep breathing that I could hear through the phone.

  “How are you?” he asked, and it actually took me a second to find my voice.

  “I’m alright,” I said, though I knew it wasn�
��t really true. He knew it too. “How are you?”

  I could hear Jackson exhale through the phone. “I am most definitely not alright. I miss you, a lot more than I thought I would. It feels good to hear your voice again.”

  The butterflies that always found their way into my stomach when Jackson was near fluttered, causing me to fan myself this time.

  “Ditto,” was all I said.

  “I’m glad you actually opened the phone. I was almost afraid you wouldn’t.”

  “Well, consider me selfish too,” I said quietly. “What’s your schedule like today? Too busy being the world’s biggest movie star?”

  Jackson laughed humorlessly on the other end. “You could say that. They’re herding me from place to place, doing interviews and premieres and whatever. It’s exhausting, but I’m excited to open this movie over here.”

  The movie he was talking about had already been out for three months in the states, but it wasn’t expected to do as well as it did here. As soon as everyone realized that he actually might have a shot at an Oscar this year, they started scheduling him for a publicity tour in Europe, hoping to get the hype up for it. Apparently it was working.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, biting my lip. “Am I interrupting anything?”

  “Of course not,” he said immediately. “I’m actually done for the day, and I don’t have anything until about nine a.m. tomorrow. It’ll be a nice break, but it’s not like I get to actually explore the city or anything while I’m here. I’ll probably just sleep for the next fourteen hours, since I’ve been running on three hours of sleep for the past two days.”

  I frowned. “That’s not right. They should be letting you get more sleep than that.”

  “It’s just part of the job babe, one of those parts that I don’t like all that much, but I gotta do what I gotta do.”