Breathe Again: A Love Story Read online

  “Melanie Devlin, it may be under Mellie Devlin,” I said.

  He barely glanced at the clipboard in his hands before shaking his head. “Sorry honey, you’re not on here.”

  I frowned. “Can you check again? Jackson is expecting me.”

  The guard didn’t even try to hide his laughter at me, and I felt my cheeks redden. “Yeah you, and those other crazy ladies out there,” he said, motioning to where the small group of women gathered with their signs for Jackson. I looked in the direction, and felt my heart plummet. There were only a few of them, but I knew I didn’t fit in over there. I never would have been the type to fawn over a celebrity that I knew I’d never have, wasting my time hoping that I would just get a glimpse of them.

  The women were watching us now, as we argued about whether or not I was supposed to be there. Finally, I just stalked away back toward the car, and placed the box of pastries on the trunk. I fished my cell phone out of my purse, and dialed Jackson’s number.

  He had a break from two to four that afternoon, which is why he’d even suggested that I visit him on set. I wasn’t so sure, but he was adamant; he’d wanted me to meet Blake, the director, and his costar Lucy.

  Jackson picked up on the first ring. “Why aren’t you here yet? I told Heather to have security call her when you got here, so I could come get you.”

  I frowned, unsure what to say. “Um, they say my name isn’t on their approved list.”

  “What?”

  “I’m here in the parking lot, and the guard won’t let me in. He says my name isn’t on the list. Maybe you can send Heather out here to let me in?”

  I could hear a door open through the phone, and the sounds of other people in the background. “I’m coming to get you.”

  “What? No!” I said quickly, eyeing the women in the lot who were once again oblivious to my presence. “Just send Heather out here, or have someone else call to let me in. You don’t need to come out here.”

  “Stop Mellie, I’m almost there.” He hung up on me.

  I dropped my phone in my bag, and rubbed my temples. I really didn’t want all these women, or girls, really, to be fawning all over my boyfriend. This was supposed to be my relaxing weekend. I should have just told Jackson I’d meet him at the villa later on instead.

  I made my way back to where the guard was still playing on his phone. He looked up when my shadow came over his phone, and smirked at me again.

  “You gonna try and sweet talk me into letting you in here now? Because I can take my break and get you behind that tree over there,” he said, jerking his head to the left, gesturing to a clearing surrounded by some tall oak trees. “I think I may be able to find your name after that.”

  I nearly gagged. He was seriously suggesting that if we fool around, he’d let me in. That was disgusting.

  I was never one to think on my feet quickly enough to form sharp or witty comebacks in situations like this, but thankfully I didn’t need to.

  “I’m going to pretend for the next thirty seconds that I didn’t actually hear you propositioning my girlfriend, just so that I won’t kill you right here, but I can’t guarantee that I won’t snap your neck if you don’t open this gate right now.” Jackson’s voice was so cold that it gave me the chills. I was too busy trying not to vomit at the guy’s proposal to notice Jackson as he walked up behind him.

  The guard stood quickly, dropping his phone into the dirt.

  “Uh, Mr. Traver,” he stuttered. “I didn’t mean to say it that way, I’m sorry.” Jackson wouldn’t let him continue, just held up his hand to stop him.

  “Open the fucking gate. Now.” Jackson’s glare wasn’t murderous or violent; it was cold, detached.

  The guard just nodded, and fumbled with his keys before the opening the gate to me. By this time, Jackson’s fan club had finally realized what was going on, and they rushed over. Jackson pulled me into the gate before they could get through too, leaving them on the other side of the fence.

  “Oh my god, I love you Jackson!”

  “Please, please let me give you my number. Nobody loves you like I do, I swear.”

  “You are so sexy Jackson, I want to have your babies. Please marry me!”

  God, these women were psychotic.

  Jackson tucked me under his arm, and turned us both to walk back toward where the trailers were parked further on the lot. I chanced a glance under his arm, and saw them literally holding onto the fence, screaming at us. There were no more than six or seven, but their screeching hurt my ears. I closed my eyes, all too willing to let Jackson lead the way. I needed to get out of there.

  We didn’t stop until we were actually at Jackson’s trailer, and he pulled me up the stairs. He closed the door behind me, and had me in his arms immediately.

  “I’m so sorry baby,” he whispered into my hair, rocking me back and forth. I squeezed my eyes shut, my emotions all over the place. I didn’t want to overreact, especially since I knew that this was only the beginning. I focused on my breathing instead, and let myself count to ten in my head before pulling away.

  I plastered a smile on my face. “You don’t need to apologize Jackson, it’s nothing.”

  Jackson’s smile was reluctant, but once he realized that I wasn’t falling apart or upset, he pulled me back to him and kissed me.

  “I missed you,” he said, pulling away from my mouth for only a second before diving back in. It made me giggle.

  I let myself get lost in him for a few minutes, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling myself close. For some strange reason, I knew that this was it. This was the end of just the two of us, as we knew it.

  It was the girls outside, I knew. They didn’t know Jackson, at least not the way that I knew him. I knew I was being silly, letting them bother me like that. He was one fine specimen of a human being, as Josephine had said once. I couldn’t blame them for their attraction, but they didn’t love him.

  Jackson pulled away this time, reluctantly. “Hey, I wanted to show you the set, and introduce you to a few people. If I don’t stop now, I’ll just spend the next half hour of my break mauling you in my trailer. As appealing as that sounds, you didn’t have to drive an hour just for me to do that.”

  I pouted, and Jackson just laughed, kissing my hair while pulling me out of the trailer. It was pretty quiet out, since they were working on a scene farther out in the trees with Lucy and Sophia, who were playing sisters in the movie. I was excited to meet Lucy Morgan, who was a good friend of Jackson’s, though not so much Sophia. I was still a little bitter from the photo that I’d seen on the TV the day Jackson got back from Europe.

  We did find Meredith, however, who was sitting in the shade and reading a book. Her husband, Blake Hannigan, was the director for the movie, and he was out with the rest of the crew filming. Other than that, there were people on site just milling about, ignoring Jackson and I as we made our way to where Meredith sat next to one of the trailers. She was bigger than the last time I’d seen her, much bigger. It looked like she might pop any day now.

  “Jackson, sweetheart,” she exclaimed, pulling herself and her big belly out of the chair she’d been relaxing in. She gave him a kiss on either cheek, and flashed me a smile. “And if it isn’t my favorite baker! How are you doing love?” She pulled me in for a kiss on either cheek as well, though her stomach got in the way. I was surprised by the affection; it was obvious that Jackson had told her about us.

  “We’re good Meredith,” Jackson said, pulling me to his side. “I just wanted to bring Mellie by to say hello.”

  “Of course!” she said. “I do hope the two of you are coming to dinner with us tonight. Blake has reserved the back room at Ottavia, and you two are invited, of course.”

  Jackson glanced at me. I had no idea they were planning on dinner. “Actually, I think we were going to do dinner on our own, but thanks for thinking of us.” Meredith frowned.

  “You know that Blake will want to meet Mellie, officially of course. And Sophia and
Lucy will be there, along with Stewart. It would be fun, you should come!”

  Jackson smiled. “Thanks Mer, but I think we’ll pass. We don’t get much time together these days, and she drove all the way up. I was just hoping I’d get to introduce her to everyone this afternoon, but it seems like they’re running a little late over there,” he said, nodding in the direction of the trees.

  “Well, if you change your mind, just let us know. There’s plenty of space, and they’d all love to meet you my dear,” she said, smiling at me.

  We chatted for a little longer before Jackson pulled me away again, and showed me around the set. The movie they were filming was about a couple on the run from the law, who end up taking shelter in a small cabin in the middle of nowhere. It sounded intense, and I wasn’t so sure how I was going to feel about the love scenes between Jackson and Sophia. I obviously hadn’t said anything about it, but I knew that Jackson was aware. He’d tried to reassure me a few times that there was nothing going on, that they were just friends and filming love scenes was actually a lot more awkward and unpleasant than it sounded. I wasn’t so sure I believed him, but I tried not to let it get to me.

  Eventually Jackson’s name was called by one of the production assistants, letting him know he was needed to start filming. We had just been wandering along the edge of the trees, taking in the green that we didn’t see so much of in Los Angeles. It really was beautiful.

  “Head back to the hotel, and let them know that you’re there for the villa. I’ve let them know, personally, that you’re coming in today,” he said, kissing my forehead. “I’ll be back around six or so.”

  I just nodded, and smiled as he pulled me into his arms. I don’t know that I’d ever get tired of being close to him.

  He let me go, and I reluctantly made my way back to the car. The set had gotten a bit busier since we’d left to walk, and there were more people working and chatting around the set. I tried to be invisible, hoping not to bother anyone while they worked. I was almost to the line of trailers, however, when I noticed the blonde head of hair, watching me. I wasn’t about to go introduce myself to Sophia on my own, but I didn’t want to ignore her either. I smiled in her direction, not pausing as I walked, but she didn’t smile back. Instead, I saw her scowl before turning around and heading into her trailer. So, there was that. Awesome.

  The women flooded toward me when I got out of the gate, and I held my bag close trying to just get to the car.

  “How do you know Jackson?” one asked, as I fished my keys from my purse.

  I wasn’t about to answer them, and it didn’t really seem like they wanted an answer. They just kept yelling at me. One of them didn’t seem to like me already, and was already swearing in my direction. I had a feeling the security guard wasn’t about to break them up, so I just focused on my breathing while trying desperately to keep my hands from shaking. Finally, I got the car to unlock, and pulled myself in quickly. I wanted to take a second to calm myself down, but they were still outside the car. Thankfully, they didn’t try actually getting into my car, and they weren’t in front of it either. I turned the ignition on, and pulled out of the lot quickly. When I turned onto the dirt road, far enough away from the women so they wouldn’t notice me, I pulled over. I put my head on the steering wheel, and closed my eyes.

  I could do this, I kept chanting in my head. I could do this.

  Chapter 18

  The villa was absolutely breathtaking. Thank god, Jackson really was the one who had left my name at the front desk of the hotel, and they immediately took me to where we were staying.

  It wasn’t too terribly big, but we didn’t need much for the just the two of us. It was a small Spanish style house, with a full kitchen and two bedrooms. Both bedrooms had a huge bathroom, with jet tub and vanity. Terra cotta tiles covered the floors throughout the villa, and everything was decorated in natural wood and bright colors. There was even a small yard in the back, with a tall fence to keep prying eyes away. I eyed the lounge chairs next to the hot tub, knowing exactly what I was going to do to keep myself busy until Jackson got back.

  Someone had brought my bag into the larger of the two bedrooms, so I went in to unpack my things. I didn’t bring much, but I definitely brought the new bathing suit I’d gotten the week before. My parents had always insisted that we wear modest bathing suits back in Kansas, which obviously meant no bikinis. I was still rebelling against their ways, which is why I’d bought the tiny red bikini at Victoria’s Secret. It wasn’t like anyone other than Jackson would see me anyway.

  I put it on, and then threw a sheer white cover up over it. Jackson had left his Ray Ban aviator sunglasses in his car, so I stole those too, and made my to the kitchen to see what was stocked inside. It was pretty much empty, except for a few bottles of white wine and some cheese and fruit, so I grabbed a bottle and a glass before heading outside.

  The yard was covered mostly by a cabana, so I didn’t really need to worry about putting on sunscreen. I was the type to burn quickly, but I would move if the sun did. Even in the shade, it was probably ninety-five degrees outside. Usually I was miserable back at the loft, which didn’t have air conditioner, so I planned on taking full advantage of being here.

  I had a book to read, but I couldn’t really concentrate much on anything. My mind was too full, of Sophia and those crazy women and how strange I felt actually being in a place like this. The year before, I’d thought that I would be spending the rest of my life in that little town, and I was okay with it. Or, so I thought. I had no doubt that being there wasn’t right for me now, but was this life right for me either?

  I loved Jackson, I knew that without a doubt. He was far from perfect, but then again, so was I. We were imperfectly perfect for each other, I thought with a strangled giggle. But there was so much more to it than that. If it were just Jackson, I could do it. If it were just the two of us, and we could live a quiet life without so much attention, I could do it. It wasn’t just me, though. I would have to share him with the world. Could I really do it?

  By the time Jackson got back to the villa, nearly two hours later, I was still sitting on the chaise, and the bottle of wine was almost half gone. He surprised me, when he came in and found me outside. I was too busy inside my own head.

  “Hey baby,” he said, wrapping his arms around me from behind the chaise. He kissed the top of my head, and moved to sit down next to me. “I missed you.”

  I put down my book, which I wasn’t really reading. “I just saw you a few hours ago.”

  “Yeah, but if it were up to me, you’d be next to me all the time.” He started kissing my neck, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his lips against me. “You look so incredibly sexy sitting there in almost nothing.”

  I turned to him, and put my lips on his. He reacted immediately, and pulled me onto his lap. I was still wearing his sunglasses, and my red bikini made me feel a lot more confident than I usually felt. He made me feel sexy.

  I ground my hips into him, and heard him groan. It was definitely one of my favorite sounds in the world, and I pushed him back onto the chaise so that I could press my body against his.

  “God Mel, you’re fucking hot as hell. I don’t know that I would have been able to stay on set if I’d known you were here, wearing that,” he said breathlessly into my ear as I rubbed my chest against his and nibbled on his ear. He was wearing far too many clothes for what I wanted to do to him, and I began unbuttoning his shirt. I trailed kisses down his chest as I did, making my way down from his neck to the v that dipped under his jeans. I could feel his hardness through his pants, and wanted desperately to get it free.

  This was how I wanted him. I wanted him here, just for me. I didn’t want all those other women in the world to think about doing it to him, and I didn’t want him to think about all those other women that would. I would make him believe that I was the only one; the only one who could make him feel this way.

  He sprung free, and I glanced up to see him watching
me with hooded eyes. I was between his legs, and he was getting a good look at my cleavage, underneath the shear cover up I wore. I pulled it over my head, and slowly pulled the string to the top of my bikini so that I was bare on top. I stared at him for a second, before licking my lips.

  “Oh god,” I heard him say, breathing hard. He had his eyes on my breasts, and I bent down to rub them against him. He moaned again, and I couldn’t help the smile that came across my face. I had him exactly where I wanted him.

  I glanced over my shoulder, reassuring myself, again, that the fence really was tall enough for me to do this, and dipped my head. He hissed as soon as he felt my tongue, and I let myself lick around his tip. I’d tried pleasuring him with my mouth before, but it had taken me a few tries to really figure out what he liked. Just hearing him curse under his breath as I licked and sucked him turned me on, and made me want to keep going.

  “Mel, god, I can’t last like this, and I want inside you,” he whispered, and I glanced up at him. His eyes were closed, and his head thrown back against the chaise. I let myself lick for a few more seconds, then kissed his thighs and slowly made my way back up his stomach and to his chest. When I finally made it to his neck, I licked behind his ear.

  “I want you inside me too,” I whispered, nipping lightly at his earlobe. I pulled back, and knelt on my knees between his legs. He just watched me, his eyes filled with hunger. It was like he knew that I was meant for him, that I was made for him. I bit my lip as I pulled the bottoms to my bikini down slowly, refusing to move my eyes from his. As soon as they got to my knees, I moved arms to his sides so I could support myself while I kicked them off, and then moved back to my knees. I wasn’t afraid to be naked in front of him, not anymore, though being outside did make me a little nervous.

  Apparently it didn’t bother Jackson at all, because he didn’t even hesitate before grabbing me and throwing me down on the chaise, underneath him. He ran his hand down my side, stopping at the curve of my breast, down my stomach, and to my hip.