Breathe Again: A Love Story Page 11

  Jackson collapsed on top of me, our limbs fitting together like a puzzle. I could feel every inch of him, but he still took care to make sure he didn’t crush me. Instead, his arms held me like a cage, making me feel safe and loved. He nuzzled my neck, kissing and licking the sweat from my skin, and I just laid there, taking advantage of my high. My nerves buzzed with a dull energy, every sensation that much more powerful. It was like everything inside of me had been dormant, and Jackson had ignited me.

  Eventually he moved from on top of me to next to me on the bed, but still held me close. I let myself drift off, concentrating on the feel of his breath against my neck and the stroke of his fingers up and down my arm.

  I woke for the second time that day to the sound of the bath running. Jackson wasn’t next to me anymore, so I sat up groggily and grabbed the robe that hung next to my bed. He hadn’t closed the door, so I stepped inside and found him sitting on the edge of the bathtub, checking the water coming out of the faucet with his hand.

  I stopped in the door, and leaned up against the frame. “What are you doing?” I asked, yawning in the middle of the question. Jackson looked up, his smile dazzling. He didn’t look nearly as tired as I felt, even though he was the one that should have been jetlagged.

  “As much as I love the smell of you all over me, I haven’t showered since I left Paris yesterday morning.” he said, standing up from the tub. He was wearing his briefs, and I couldn’t help as my eyes roamed over his eight-pack, to the V that dipped under his briefs. To say he was in shape didn’t give his trainer, or his body, justice. He was all muscle, in the most perfectly way possible. I was too busy ogling his goods, I barely registered when he asked me to get in the tub with him.

  Jackson laughed as I reluctantly pulled my gaze from his chest to his face. He looked at me expectantly, but I blanched. Once again, he found a way for me to face my insecurities, and my relative innocence, head on.

  “Don’t you think the tub is too small?” I asked, knowing that I wasn’t going to be getting out of it. I didn’t know if I really wanted to, to be honest, but it just felt so intimate. Just the thought of sharing a bath made me shiver, in both the best and the worst ways possible.

  Jackson took a few long steps toward me, and I could tell he was eyeing the tie around my waist. I went to clutch it to myself, but he was too quick, and untied the belt in one pull. I felt the cold air on my stomach, and immediately wrapped my arms around myself to keep the robe closed. I knew I was being silly, if not absolutely ridiculous. We’d spent the past twenty four hours baring ourselves to each other in so many different ways, but I still couldn’t bring myself to let him see me like this, so exposed and naked.

  Like always, he seemed to know exactly what I was thinking. Instead of pressuring me to open myself to him, he just pulled me into his arms.

  “Mellie,” he whispered into my hair. I still hand my hands in between us, clutching the satin to my body, but he held me close. “I love you, every inch and piece of you. I love you exactly the way you are, with and without clothes. To me, you are the most beautiful woman on this earth. I want you to trust me, to feel comfortable with me. You don’t need to hide.”

  His voice spoke to my nerves, and to my soul. I felt myself loosen in his arms, and dropped my hands to my sides. Jackson moved slowly, pulling my robe off of me while kissing my forehead, my eyelids. He didn’t push me away, just held me. I stood there, naked, and I’d never felt less afraid.

  Eventually he did push me away, but he kept his arms on my shoulders. I resisted the urge to cross my arms over my breasts, instead looking into his eyes for reassurance. I saw only love there, and he brought his hand up to caress my cheek. He didn’t look me over immediately, but kept his eyes on mine while he leaned in to press a kiss against my forehead. When he finally did let himself look over my body, it didn’t feel dirty or sinful. It felt right, like I really was the most precious thing in his world.

  He let his gaze linger, not on my chest or between my legs, but on the small scar near my bellybutton, and on the birthmark under my left breast. He wasn’t objectifying me, not like I’d been taught. He was loving me. I felt my chest heave, like I could cry again, even though I could have sworn I’d run out of tears the night before. Jackson had me in his arms again, immediately, and I let a few tears slip out.

  He just held me, skin against skin, without expectation. It felt like too much, and not enough.

  “Thank you,” I whispered into his chest, then pressing my lips to his skin. He said nothing, but I could feel him nod against my hair.

  After a few minutes, when the bathroom started to steam from the heat of the water, Jackson loosened his hold on me and led me to the tub. I eyed it warily; it was awfully full, but he didn’t let me linger long. He stepped into the tub, and then pulled me in with him. He wrapped his arms around me again, pulling me close.

  We sat there, my back to his chest, for a long time, until the water went cold.

  Chapter 16

  With the exception of breakfast in the café, Jackson and I hadn’t been out in public since that day before he left in Venice. There had been a few photos that had gone up on the internet from that day, but I didn’t have internet and only Jackson had my new cell phone number. I still stayed back in the kitchen, so I wasn’t too affected by any of it.

  We both knew that the time would come for us to step out in public, together. It didn’t matter if we were just going to the grocery store; there were paparazzi on every corner. They knew where he lived, and it didn’t help that there were plenty of other celebrities in his building and neighborhood. They may not be looking for him specifically, but he still drew attention when he was out.

  The last woman he’d been photographed with in public was his ex-girlfriend, the lingerie model I preferred not to think about. They’d broken up last year, long before he was crowned the sexiest man alive. We both knew that things would change when we finally did make our relationship known.

  It wasn’t that I was afraid. Well, I was afraid, but it was more than that. To me, Jackson was just…Jackson. He was the man who constantly surprised me with affection, who couldn’t cook to save his life but made a mean margarita. I knew things about him that he hid from the rest of the world. I was there when he cried, telling me about his mom, and when he found out he’d gotten the biggest role of his career. I knew what side of the bed he liked to sleep on, and how he was meticulous about brushing his teeth for exactly two minutes. He was my everything; my friend, my real life prince charming, my lover.

  I just wasn’t ready to share him with everybody else.

  When Jackson finally approached me about going to his latest movie premiere, I was more than a little apprehensive.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to be seen with you Jackson, you know that. If it didn’t have such far-reaching consequences, I’d be shouting from the rooftops that we’re in love. But we both know that it’s going to change things,” I said, a few weeks after he’d returned from his Europe tour. We were at my place, and I’d made lasagna for dinner. He always preferred coming over, which made my life easier since I didn’t have a car anyway.

  Jackson put his fork down, which was kind of a big deal. He rarely took a break between servings when he ate my food, so I knew he was annoyed at me. It wasn’t the first time we’d had the conversation, but I had a feeling it was about to be the last.

  “I love you Mellie. You’re part of my life, the most important part of my life. But this is part of my life too, and I want you to be there.”

  I sighed, and looked down at my plate. He just had to make me feel guilty about it.

  “I know, and I want to be there too,” I said. “I’m just not used to the spotlight. I don’t know that I’m ready to be scrutinized and criticized, not to mention hated by all your adoring fans,” I grumbled.

  “I won’t lie, that’s a pretty shitty part of all of this. I don’t want that for you either, believe me. You don’t deserve that, and it makes
me feel like an ass for even thinking of putting you through all of this. But what’s the alternative? Hiding you away somewhere, letting all of those women think that they actually have a shot with me? That isn’t fair to you, and it isn’t fair to me. I hate that I have to ask you to do this Mellie. So please, don’t make me feel any more guilty than I already am.”

  He’d been a lot more understanding about my reservations the first four times we’d talked about it, but I knew his patience was running thin. We’d been hiding away in my apartment for almost four months, escaping only every once in a while to his place. If we wanted to get out, we went downstairs to the café or to the wine bar next door. I knew it was risky to do even that; it didn’t matter what we did, word would get out eventually that we were together.

  It wasn’t even that, really. It all came back to the same thing. “I’m just afraid the world won’t like me,” I whispered into my plate. I couldn’t even bring myself to look him in the eye.

  I knew Jackson was out of his chair before I even finished saying it. He knelt down next to me, and put his hand on my chin to pull my face toward him. I knew I was being pouty, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

  “Mellie,” he said softly, taking both of my hands with his empty one. “What they think doesn’t matter, but you’re so incredible that I know they’re going to fall in love with you just as hard as I have.”

  I sniffed, though I wasn’t crying. Not really. “I do,” I said. “But…” Jackson held a finger up to my lips before I could finish.

  “This life isn’t easy Mellie, I know that more than anyone, and I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t have another choice. People are mean and they are vindictive and catty, and they will say things just to hurt you. I can’t promise that they won’t, but I can promise that I will never let you believe it. For every mean word they say, I will say a hundred more. I will kiss every wound, hold you every night for the rest of your life. But I need you. You are a part of me, and I need you.”

  Damn. He was good with words.

  We both knew the issue was closed. I wanted him, and he wanted me. This was how our live had to be, and I knew Jackson would protect me. He would keep all the crazies away, would shelter me as much as I could. But I was a big girl, and it was time I put on my big girl panties.

  “That better not be a line from one of your movies,” I grumbled. He chuckled, getting up from where he crouched down next to me, and kissed my temple before going back to his chair.

  “No, that’s all me baby.” He flashed me his wide, bright smile from across the table, and I felt myself blush under his gaze. “Let’s do it this way: let’s take the weekend to ourselves. I’m on set on Saturday, but it’s a lot prettier where we’re filming than I thought it would be. I have a villa at their inn reserved for the duration of the shoot, but I’ve obviously been coming back down during the week to stay with you. You should come up on Saturday and stay with me. I have Sunday off, and the little town is quiet. It’s only about an hour away, and we can spend the day together.”

  I thought about it for a second, taking a bite from my lasagna in the process. It would be nice to get away from the city for a bit, especially since we were stuck in my loft most of the time. I felt like I was going stir crazy.

  “I like that idea,” I said finally. “Wait, you’re renting a villa while you’re there? You’ve been filming for two weeks, and we haven’t spent a night apart. Why rent it out?” He usually got back to my place at ten every night, and left by six, but he insisted on sleeping next to me, every night. I thought it was sweet, but now the thought of him having a place near the lot too made me nervous.

  Jackson shrugged, but didn’t frown. “Heather always just books a place for me to stay, and I didn’t tell her not to. I haven’t used it overnight, but every once in a while I’ll take a nap or something while I’m there. It’s useless, but the studio has to pay for it. We might as well take advantage of it.”

  Heather was his assistant, and was definitely not my biggest fan. I’d only met her once, when she’d stopped by Jackson’s apartment one night to pick up some paperwork from him. She’d barely even looked in my direction, probably because Jackson was too busy necking me to pay her any attention. I tried not to let it get to me, and thankfully we hadn’t run into each other since. I knew that wouldn’t last long either, though.

  We made arrangements for the next weekend over the rest of our dinner, and then spent the rest of the night down in the closed café eating all of my leftover cupcakes. He had a serious sweet tooth, and I had made his favorite peanut butter cupcakes earlier that day.

  “You know what this reminds me of?” Jackson said, laughing. He’d smooshed a bite of carrot cake in my face, and I was currently glaring at him from frosting laden eyes.

  “What?” I snapped, though I wasn’t really mad at him. Thankfully he knew that too. I got up to go grab a napkin near the counter, but Jackson just grabbed my hand and pulled me into his lap.

  “The day we met,” he said, brushing a piece of frosting from my cheek and putting it into his mouth. “At Meredith’s house.”

  I grunted, and tried to pull myself away from his grip, but he just held me tight. He nuzzled his chin against my shoulder, careful to avoid the cake and frosting on my skin.

  “Don’t be mad Mellie Rose,” he whispered into my ear. “That was the best day of my life. I just couldn’t believe you were so enamored with my presence that you dropped the cake all over yourself.”

  “Excuse me!” I shrieked, “that was not my fault, and you know it!” I hit him playfully, and smooshed a bit of vanilla frosting onto his cheek. Instead of cleaning it off, he just nuzzled into me more, getting the frosting in my hair. Gross.

  “From what I remember, one second you were carrying the cake, and the next it was on the ground. Not so sure I remember the moments in between.”

  “You got in my way Jackson Traver. That isn’t very nice of you to give me the blame.”

  He looked at me seriously, though I could barely take him seriously with frosting all over his face. Suddenly, he burst out laughing. “You have no idea, do you?”

  I just looked at him, annoyed. “What?”

  He pressed a kiss to my cheek, taking off some of the cake in the process. “I didn’t even know you were carrying a cake when I went into the backyard. I was way too busy checking out your ass.”

  I couldn’t hide the horror on my face. “You made me drop a four hundred dollar cake because you were checking me out and weren’t paying attention to where you were going?” Jackson couldn’t hide his guilty smile, and leaned in.

  “I got in your way because after I checked out your ass, I saw your face. And I knew I wanted to get close to you. You had me all confused, and that’s why I wasn’t paying attention.” My heart melted a little bit, but he held up a finger with frosting up to my lips, shushing me. “You are far too pretty for your own good Mellie Rose.”

  Chapter 17

  I was done with work by noon the next Saturday, so I went up to change quickly before heading out to meet Jackson in Ojai. He’d left me his BMW to drive up there, since he had to be on set by six a.m. that morning. He didn’t mind at all; it meant that he had an excuse to drive his other, far more exciting (and ostentatious) car.

  It was the middle of summer, and ridiculously hot outside, so I chose to wear a light dress and sandals to stay comfortable. It was simple, but still pretty, with soft ivory fabric and a flared skirt. It was too hot outside to wear my hair down, so I just pulled it into a low, messy bun on the back of my head. I wanted to look pretty, for Jackson of course, but also because I didn’t know who I would meet or see while I visited him.

  The drive took only about an hour, since there was no traffic on the way north. I couldn’t help but drive a little fast either; I was excited to see Jackson, and his car was too fun not to drive fast.

  I couldn’t help but notice how absolutely gorgeous the surroundings were when I got off the main highway and fol
lowed the directions to the set. It was beautiful and green, with sprawling hills and trees everywhere. It was no surprise that the director had chosen this particular location for his movie.

  Jackson had told me he was putting my name on the set’s list, so I shouldn’t have a problem getting in. Since it was an off-site location, the set just had a few security guards and a temporary fence up to keep people out. The film was an indie, so filming hadn’t garnered too much attention. I noticed a few younger girls with signs for Jackson near the makeshift entrance, and a couple photographers, but the set wasn’t too terribly exciting at the moment. I’m sure things got much more interesting when the stars were actually arriving and leaving.

  I parked outside the fence and grabbed the box of treats I brought with me from the café. I knew that Meredith would be on set today as well, since her husband was the director. I hadn’t seen her since the cake incident, and I wanted to personally deliver some of her favorite éclairs to her.

  None of those camping outside for Jackson really paid much attention to me as I walked up to the gate, for which I was thankful. I had no idea if that would all change once we finally did make our relationship public, but I didn’t want to think about it then. This weekend was to relax, before all the craziness began.

  I got to the gate, and flashed a smile to the guard on duty. He wasn’t really paying attention to me either, instead playing a game on his phone. According to Jackson, they hadn’t really had too much trouble with people trying to get on set, so it didn’t surprise me.

  “Hi,” I said to the guard, to barely looked in my direction. “I’m here to see Jackson Traver, he told me my name was going to be on your list.”

  The guard, who was probably in his mid to late twenties, just smirked at me. “Sure,” he said, rolling his tongue in his mouth and checking me out in the process. I was getting annoyed, but the gate was closed and locked; I couldn’t get in unless I either climbed the fence or dealt with him. “Name?”